HOW MANY MORE FROGS TO PRINCE CHARMING?!
OR, are you just too darn picky?…
I recently participated in a blog talk show panel, entitled “Black Love: The Problem We Have Finding It and Keeping It” http://www.blogtalkradio.com/intheknow/2014/02/06/black-love-the-problems-we-face-finding-it-and-keeping-it. Follow the link for the full panel discussion.
We discussed several issues surrounding single black professional women and the issue most have with finding someone who is equally yoked. I realize this issue has no color, but it seems as though black professional women seem to have a harder time finding a mate than their counterparts of a different race and/or nationality.
A point was made that overall there are less people getting married and this issue appears to be magnified in the black community; where there is an obvious decline in black love and black marriage. The panel was presented with 3 primary issues: 1) the marriage pool of quality black men interested in black women, 2) the economically independent black women who have placed themselves out of the market and 3) the school theory that as black women climb higher in their education, the pool of black men thins out because there are more black women in college than black men. I personally back the economically independent women theory that some women who have attained a certain level of education and success in their career have become too picky in what they desire in a man. I strongly believe in a woman having standards when it comes to what type of man she desires, however, I do believe that some things are mere wants and not necessarily must-haves in a man. I devote a chapter in my book, No Longer a Bridesmaid! to “The Infamous List” that single women have and go into detail about wants and needs versus must-haves.
What are your thoughts?
ASK TERRY
March 17, 2014
Dear Terry,
What are your thoughts on a woman making more than her man?
-Primary Breadwinner
Dear Primary Breadwinner,
I have no issue with a woman making more income than her man; but then again, I am a woman. This question is highly personal and the best person to ask is a man as their answers will vary based on several factors including their level of self-esteem, how they value money and if it is tied to self-worth, and their view on gender and roles.
I do have a perspective on this issue, since I know of situations where the wife makes more than the husband; and know that for some marriages and relationships this is indeed an issue when the woman makes more money than the man. Modern Day career women have the privilege of being more educated and having more vocation opportunities available to them than women did 50 years ago; and now, more woman than ever work outside the home which has resulted in a vast number of women who have excelled in their career and has resulted in them making just as much as and in many cases more than their spouse. I have witnessed instances where men have publically stated that they do not have an issue with their wife making more money than they do, however, behind closed doors the sentiment is quite different. I actually switched up the AskTerry segment this week and led the Twitter discussion last Thursday to assess people’s general view on this subject. The discussion in summation was that some men do have a problem with their partner making more money than they do because of 1) traditional views of the male being the primary breadwinner, 2) male ego, and 3) men being intimidated by a woman who can provide for herself. There are some things a woman can do to ensure that she does not make her partner feel inferior if she does make more money than he. The first and most important is that she does not belittle his salary or efforts as a provider of the household. Second, the spouse that handles the finances should be the one who is more knowledgeable and responsible in the area of finances and not necessarily the one who makes the most money; in other words, roles in the house or for the family should not be determined by who makes the most money. Finally, the wife should never ever use that fact that she makes more money as a “one up” on her husband insinuating or stating that she is in fact the one holding the house down.
DISCLAIMER: The information or advice in this column should not be substituted for professional counseling. The thoughts expressed in the “Ask Terry” segment of the Relationships-411 blog are the thoughts and opinions of the writer and should be viewed as information and entertainment only. By submitting a question to the column you are hereby granting us permission to publish your question on this blog.
Twitter Chat: Don’t forget to join us on Thurs (8 pm CST/9 EST) for Twitter Chat at #AskTerry to weigh in on the week’s questions. If you have a relationship question or dilemma, email it to ask@terrycato.com
In a new relationship? Wondering if you’re “the one”?
ASK TERRY
March 6, 2014
Dear Terry,
Recently I saw a friend of mine husband casually socializing and having lunch with a woman in the park. A time or two, I thought I saw him lean over close to her. My initial thought was to go over and speak to him and introduce myself to the woman but I didn’t; so he has no idea that I was in the area at that time and saw him. Should I tell my friend?
Sincerely,
Conflicted
Dear Conflicted,
Your question sounds simple enough and pretty straight forward. To clear your conscience being that this is your friend’s husband, I say, yes tell her. You should not editorialize what you saw and draw any conclusions that could influence your friend’s thinking in any way. Simply tell her that you saw [name of her husband] having lunch in the park with someone; then allow her to handle or address the situation. She may have even known about the lunch and the person. The lady that your friend’s husband was having lunch with could very well have been a co-worker and they were discussing business. Or she could be a platonic friend or a relative. I strongly suggest that you not draw conclusions to what you saw in any shape form or fashion – looks can sometimes be very deceiving.
Yours truly,
Terry
DISCLAIMER: The information or advice in this column should not be substituted for professional counseling. The thoughts expressed in the “Ask Terry” segment of the Relationships-411 blog are the thoughts and opinions of the writer and should be viewed as information and entertainment only. By submitting a question to the column you are hereby granting us permission to publish your question on this blog.
Twitter Chat: Don’t forget to join us on Thurs (8 pm CST/9 EST) for Twitter Chat at #AskTerry to weigh in on the week’s questions. If you have a relationship question or dilemma, email it to ask@terrycato.com
Real Talk w/Terry 