Real Talk w/Terry


ImageThe topic of “porn” can be a difficult and embarrassing one to discuss in a marriage. My research of porn addiction and its affect on marriages was interesting to say the least.


First of all, the definition of pornography is defined as obscene writings, drawings, photographs, or the like, especially those having little or no artistic merit. The World English dictionary further defines pornography as writings, pictures, films, etc, designed to stimulate sexual excitement; or the production of such material.


Former on-line therapist, Dr. Mark Goulson contends that there are two kinds of sex: 1) sex with love and 2) sex just for sex’s sake. He further asserts that many husbands feel guilty about having sex just for sex’s sake with their wives, because they feel like they are using her as a thing versus making love to the person they love. Therefore, instead of using their wife as a thing, some men use pornography and masturbation to fulfill that need. His stance is that pornography and masturbation in moderation have probably saved more marriages than they have hurt.


Say what! Yes Dr. Goulson said it, “pornography and masturbation in moderation have probably saved more marriages than they have hurt. Many wives would probably disagree with Dr. Goulson, however he asserts that an orgasm is a great stress reliever for men. And under this theory, if a man is in a state of mind where he is stressed out and is looking for a release, masturbation or pornography serves this purpose.


As a wife, I immediately think of alternatives. And the most obvious alternative is for the husband to discuss how he is feeling with his wife. Discussing the stressor or issue is very much a woman’s way of relieving stress – by talking about the issue. According to Dr. Goulson, talking about the stressor does not relieve the man of the stress he is feeling.


In his theory, Dr. Goulson uses a key word, “moderation”. His assertion is that masturbation or pornography in MODERATION have probably saved more marriages than they have hurt.  There is an extreme called addiction. A pornography addiction is very different from the occasional release found in masturbation or pornography.


How would a husband [or wife] know that they are addicted to porn? The following are some early signs of a porn addiction:

  • Isolation – the person is not as social as they used to be.
  • Lack sexual interest or is sexually unresponsive.
  • Unusual demands – the person is demanding things or doing things they normally would not do.
  • Person has become distant.
  • Person spends a lot of time on the internet.
  • Person criticizes their partner’s appearance.



How does a wife deal with a porn addicted spouse? According to author Joe Zychik, the wife should not take on the husband’s burden. The husband must overcome the addiction; be realistic, some addictions are overcome quickly and others are not; give your husband credit for his successes; and don’t blame yourself for his addiction. Additional resources can be found at,


The word of God says in Hebrews 13:4 (KJV) “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” Another scripture for meditation is 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV), “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” God is definitely concerned with what we do with our bodies. If you or someone you love has some sort of sex addiction, there are organizations set-up to help individuals. Additional resources are listed below.


Additional Resources:

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