Real Talk w/Terry

Hats Off: The “S” Word in Marriage

by Dr. Alice Hicks

The Holy Spirit recently dealt with me in prayer about the “S” word. I regret to disappoint, but I’m not talking about sex; although it is very much a part of the equation. For the sake of this blog, I’m referring to “submission”.

Submission, even for some Christians who are married appears to be a dirty word. For example, some brides have gone so far as to remove any inkling of submitting to their husbands from their marriage vows. Yet it doesn’t change the instruction given in Ephesians 5:22-33 that reads: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

I grew up in a home with a bossy mother. My father was quite the opposite. He was known for his quiet strength, but we dared to chance or undermine his authority as the man of the house. With a glare, he could get us in check. Just saying…

Now fast forward to some years later – with me having a husband of my own and me emulating my mother, taking on her bossy ways – my way of making light of my struggle to remain submissive to my husband. While I make light of it, God doesn’t and will use whatever method He deems necessary to show us ourselves. For me, He deals with me greatly in dreams. A few nights ago I had the following dream:

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I was starting a new job as a security officer and went for new employee orientation. When I walked into the room I was wearing a blue security uniform. Oddly, enough, I was wearing a purple hat that I (actually) left at my mother’s house in another state during a recent visit. (Are there some things you should have left at your mother’s house?). In the dream, a police officer was in sitting the classroom during the new employee orientation. When I walked into the classroom, he scolded me saying, “Take that hat off!” Recognizing his authority, I immediately obeyed his command. But I thought to myself – he’s not the boss of me – who does he thinks he is – he doesn’t even work here. Being a security officer and he being a police officer, I knew he had jurisdiction over me so I kindly and quickly took my hat off before taking a seat. Holding the hat in my hand, I soon forgot and put it back on my head (indicative of my difficulty to remain submissive). As soon as I did this, I remembered the police officer had given me a directive to remove the hat. I certainly did not want him to think I was purposefully being defiant. I removed the hat a second time without bringing attention to myself. The dream ended.

It was a day later in prayer that the Holy Spirit began to deal with me about the dream, on authority and being submissive to my husband. I shared this revelation in a Facebook post and will share it will you as a means to sound the alarm for women who struggle with remaining under authority.

Maybe you grew up in a home where the woman was in control and now YOU ARE YOUR MOTHER’S DAUGHTER! Perhaps it was never your intent to usurp authority. Whether you put them on consciously or subconsciously, it’s time to remove all of the hats you have been wearing, which was not issued by the authority of the Holy Spirit.

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Married women, if you’ve failed to honor your husbands, it’s time to submit! Ladies-in-Waiting, it behooves you to iron out any issues that you have with authority (be it a pastor, parent or anyone in authority (at work or otherwise). Before you say, “I do,” first be able to say, “Honey, my hats off to you!”

Alice Hicks

Alice is an ordained minister, intercessor, dynamic orator of the Word of God and Gospel recording artist. She is anointed by God to minister to the lost and bring healing to those who are hurting. Through her own adversities, she has developed a heart for hurting and abused women.  By speaking the truth of God’s Word, she has helped women overcome past pains and traumas and discover their freedom in Christ.


During a recent episode of The View, one of their hot topic subjects was “Christian Domestic Discipline”. The panel discussed whether or not this practice was indeed discipline or domestic abuse. I for one was perplexed at what they were talking about since I had never heard of the term Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD).
man spanking wife

After further research, I’ve since learned that there is a small sect of Christians who promote domestic discipline – in real terms; they have given their spouse permission to spank them. This concept does not go both ways; the caveat is the husband as the head of the house has permission to spank his wife if she gets out of line or breaks a rule. The couples that promote this concept insist that this is not domestic abuse, but is done for Jesus. Critics of the practice assert that the supporters sound more like they are being sexually deviant and not correcting behavior. Primarily because of Christianity’s conservative and sometimes silent voice when it comes to a husband and wife’s sexual prowess and exploration in the bedroom. One forensic psychologist goes as far as saying that this behavior is not domestic discipline but an outlet for emotionally disturbed men with intimacy deficits.

I personally have an issue with this on a few levels: 1) this behavior is not advocated or supported in the bible; 2) the discipline is not reversed, no one is disciplining the man – it is up to him to self correct; 3) some of the women view themselves as property of the men; and 4) the man comes up with the “rules” that the wife is to adhere to or be punished. This entire arrangement is reminiscent of a parent/child relationship and not a husband/wife. The group that follows this practice use the scriptures that say the man is head of the household and wives should submit to their husband to support domestic discipline by asserting that the wife should obey the husband or face the consequences of not doing so. The word actually says to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21). The scripture further states that wives should submit to their husbands as to the Lord; and that the husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25). When quoting this scripture, many overlook the analogy that is given between Christ and his bride, the church and the dynamic of husband and wife. This analogy demonstrates the depth and breadth of love that a husband should have for his wife; a love so deep, wide, and pure that the wife radiates holiness because of her husband’s covering. The scripture further states that the man should love his wife as his own body (Ephesians 5:28). My question is this; would the man serve corporal punishment on himself when he does wrong? I think not! So why punish your wife in the form of a spanking or other forms of corporal punishment?

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What do you think about husband’s spanking their wives in the name of Jesus?

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