Real Talk w/Terry


Well Singles, you can all officially say goodbye to Valentine’s Day! February 15th marks a new day AND today is your day, Happy Singles Awareness Day!

Happy Singles Awareness Day

This past week, I’ve read a couple of blogs and tweets that have referred to Valentine’s Day as “Singles Awareness Day”, “Singles Realization Day”, and “Singles Appreciation Day”. None of which existed when I was single. I further researched S.A.D. and learned that Singles Awareness (Appreciation) Day was actually a comedic spin on Valentine’s Day and is celebrated on either February 13th or February 15th, but most commonly celebrated on February 15th, the day after Valentine’s Day. On Singles Appreciation Day many Singles get together, or meet up and celebrate being single. The Singles also buy themselves a gift or do a gift exchange. Some Singles even opt to travel or volunteer on this day.

I was overjoyed and ecstatic as I read the many Facebook posts from those women in a romantic relationship posting pictures of their flowers and other gifts on Valentine’s Day. I was thinking, “Wow, the men are really stepping up this year.” I was also empathetic to those single women who declared that they would purposely stay off of Facebook on Valentine’s Day to avoid all the lovey dovey posts and pictures of Valentine’s Day gifts.

This left me thinking, “Is this day that much of a burden to bear for Single Women?” Do singles realize on this day that they are perhaps once again alone?  Have some realized that they are nothing more than a “friend with benefits”, a “bootie call”, or an “easy lay”? Well, Singles if this describes you – cheer up, you made it to February 15th – the day that is all about you. There’s still time: get your party clothes on, grab some friends, go out and celebrate you. You don’t have to be in a relationship to have a good time. You really don’t even need friends to have a good time. If you are a good time, wherever you go and whatever you do, you will have fun. I read somewhere that before someone else can love you, you must love yourself first.  What a true statement indeed.


If you were one of the Singles who were down and perhaps depressed on Valentine’s Day – there is no reason for that – you have February 15th. Get up, get dressed, go out and have a good time. You may just surprise yourself.


bad all by myself premiere 2 080909Last year shortly after Valentine’s Day Actor, Playwright and Director Tyler Perry made a comment that “Valentine’s Day is for Wimps” that real men show their love the entire year and not just one day of the year.

I was like, “yes! You speaking truth Tyler Perry.” I couldn’t have said it better. I agree whole heartedly with Tyler, however, I stop there. As a woman, I would never tell my significant other that Valentine’s Day is for wimps and that real men show their love the entire year. You ask why? Because my momma didn’t raise no fool. First off, words are a powerful tool. The words that a woman speaks to her man can tear him down or build him up. A statement such as that coming from a woman to her man in my opinion will do nothing good for the relationship. This sort of statement to be meaningful must come from another man.

A woman who has a mate that is less than romantic or he is not very thoughtful in the gift giving area may be tempted to prompt her mate to be a little more giving. If you are that woman, my suggestion is to praise your mate when he does do something that you like or find thoughtful. For example, if he is the Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Birthday, and Mother’s Day gift giver – really praise him verbally and let him know how much you appreciate his thoughtfulness for your gift. Even after the fact, sporadically mention how much you like or appreciate the gift that he gave you or how much you think about and like when he did a thoughtful thing for you. Dropping little hints like “I really wish you would be more thoughtful” or “you should try to be more romantic” will not work – this is a woman’s thing and does not work with men. Those statements are too vague. If you want your husband or mate to do something be specific and direct about it – avoid hints because men don’t get them and you will end up frustrated and mad feeling as though he is not paying you any attention.

valentines day pic

Now being that Valentine’s Day is a little less than a week away, what are your thoughts? Is Valentine’s Day really for wimps? If so ladies, please don’t tell your man that!


A few weeks ago, I briefly watched a portion of a daytime talk show where they were profiling cheating spouses. There was a wife on the show who was tired of the swinger’s lifestyle and wanted out. The husband however, did not want to let go of the lifestyle. At that time, I was not sure how the “swingers’ lifestyle” operated, but this particular couple invited other partners into their marriage for pay. The man stated that he never had relations without his wife being present. And that this was only for pleasure/leisure, he insisted that he was not having an affair with another woman.  The wife was not fully convinced that her husband was not having an affair. After listening to their interview for a few minutes, I was inclined to research the swinger’s lifestyle. And I was quite surprised at how popular this alternative lifestyle is.

Swinging, graduated from wife swapping – a now antiquated term, is defined as non-monogamous behavior among married couples or those in a committed relationship where they have sexual relations with other partners. These hook-ups can take place in informal gatherings, at formal Swinger Club locations or at planned Swinger events. This lifestyle is thought to be born of the 1960s sexual revolution that came about as a result of the birth control pill and better treatment for sexual transmitted diseases. Research conducted since 2000 shows that there are approximately 15 million people who consider themselves Swingers and swing on a regular basis.

I personally do not understand the appeal of opening up your bed of intimacy to other partners. I’ve actually addressed this phenomenon as it relates to marriages in a previous blog post “Open Marriages” ( Some argue that it’s for the excitement, for a change, or as the husband on the talk show for leisure. Me personally, I think opening up the marriage bed to other partners invite in all sorts of problems.

What are your thoughts – what do you say?

%d bloggers like this: