Real Talk w/Terry

Bad Boys and the Women Who Love Them

“Bad boys, bad boys what you gonna do? What you gonna do when they come for you!” Why is it that some women seem to be innately attracted to those bad boys momma told us to stay away from?

Seemingly good girls who love bad boys; is it that yin-yang, night and day, oil and water affect? Who knows, but I’ve witnessed more times  than I can presently recall, a “good girl” attracted to a bad boy. In school we  would whisper, “what in the world does SHE see in HIM,” and statements like  “what could they possibly have in common?”

First things first, what exactly is a bad boy? Courtesy  of the Urban Dictionary, bad boy defined, A young man who has many  characteristics of a naughty boy: he’s independent and willful; he does what he  wants when he wants; he doesn’t follow trends, they follow him; he often looks  scruffy, but hip; he’s not looking for trouble, but there’s a sense of danger  about him. For these reasons and more, he’s irresistible to women.

He’s irresistible to women, wow!! I read an interesting  article that stated, one reason why good girls are attracted to bad boys is  that they feel they can “fix him” they view the bad boy as a project they can fix; second, the bad boy actually pursued them. The article further states that bad boys are often aggressive in their pursuit of what they want and most women enjoy being pursued by a man; on the contrary, nice guys are often viewed as being passive or afraid of rejection and may be hesitant to approach a woman for fear of rejection; and third, the bad boy is exciting! Bad boys tend to be popular, adventurous and often draw attention to themselves; some women are drawn to these characteristics.

That being said “good girls” first realize that the only person you have the power to change is you! You may have good intentions, but let’s face it, you cannot and will not change a bad boy; the motivation to change must come from within. Second, and more importantly, not only good girls, but all women must know their self-worth – as much as women enjoy being pursued by a man, let us women strive for quality. At some point, we must grow up, use our holy discernment and intelligently determine is this man good for me or is this just a waste of time and energy?

In short, leave those bad boys alone – they break your

THE 80/20 RULE

A couple of weeks ago, I posted the following statement on my Facebook page, “Thinking on the 80/20 rule: 80% of the work will be done by 20% of the people – so never get weary in well doing and more importantly never walk away from your 80 chasing after a 20! The grass always looks greener on the other side …..” Needless to say, this post got several likes and comments.

After seeing the Tyler Perry movie “Why Did I get Married?” for the 20th time, this thought came to mind, “why do some despondent husbands and wives leave their spouse for someone they feel is better – often to find out, they left an 80 for a 20;” this thought continued resonating in my head. After several years of marriage, one of the husbands in this movie became very unhappy with his wife; to the point where his public humiliation of her was like a game to him. He began cheating on his wife with one of her friends and as I’ve alluded to earlier, he leaves his wife for his mistress only to find out that this new woman has problems of her own.

So what compels a person to leave their mate? Are they simply fed up? Are they tired of waiting and/or expecting the other person to change? Whatever the reason, anyone in a relationship must first of all realize one simple truth – that no one including them is perfect; and that everyone has faults, shortcomings, and idiosyncrasies. When we choose to marry someone, we are agreeing to accept that person for who they are – their faults and all! Oftentimes, when we are upset or frustrated in a relationship it is easy to focus on the negative attributes of the other person. However, our best defense is to set-up a good offense and that is to take a look in the mirror and realize that we ourselves are not perfect and the best thing we can do for our relationship and marriage is to work on becoming the best person that we can be for our mate.

Finally, I was taught as a child that the grass is always greener on the other side, but you don’t know what it takes to make it stay that way. And as one of my Facebook friends commented on my 80/20 Facebook post a few weeks ago, “…. It might be astroturf, but that requires an investment too!” So think long and hard before you leave your 80 – you could very well be getting a 20 in return.

Are you driven by your head or your heart? Or maybe by something else? How do you balance the conflicting forces for how to be?

I’m sure you’ve heard the adage, “I was thinking with my heart and not my head.” At some point in our lives, I think we can all relate to this. Maybe a relationship we should have walked away from, but for some reason we made the decision to stick it out a little while longer; we’re not quite sure why, but for some reason we were compelled to hang in there. Maybe we loaned a friend or relative money and deep down inside we know that we shouldn’t have, but there was something that we could not quite explain that compelled us to loan money to someone who we know we should not have. So, how do you balance the conflicting forces for how to be? I once heard someone say, “let your conscience be your guide.” Relatively speaking this is true – we should make decisions that we can live with. Decisions that will not torment or be a burden to us as we move forward. The dilemma, however is do I make the decision with my head or with my heart?

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