Real Talk w/Terry

When They See Us

The Netflix series, When They See Us is based on the Exonerated Central Park Five: Raymond Santana Jr., Kevin Richardson, Antron McCray, Korey Wise and Yusef Salaam who were wrongfully convicted of raping a white woman in 1989 has once again rattled the community. A serial rapist later confessed to the crime, but not before the men had spent between six to 13 years in prison.

I personally chose not to watch the series for my own mental health. I have read about the incident and watched various news reports and a documentary about the case. The Netflix series has many of us feeling like enough talking has been done, it’s time for real action – a change for the better in the American justice system.

But where do we start? How do we reform a system that wasn’t designed to protect blacks and other minorities in the first place? How do we deal with corrupt cops, unethical prosecutors and judges?

I don’t have the answers, but agree, a change has to come real soon.

Check out my interview with retired Judge LaDoris Cordell, immediate past Independent Auditor for the San Jose Police Department. Judge Cordell discusses how someone should conduct themselves if and when they are stopped by a cop, The Peace Officers Duty Manual – a document that the general public is allowed to see, the Blue Lives Matter Movement and more!

Teenagers and Online Dating Apps

I recently saw a story about the dangers of anonymous dating apps; and the deadly consequences they’ve had for some young people. This particular story profiled a teenager who met someone online, he gained her trust and she agreed to secretly meet-up with him. Her parents learned of her secret escapades with this man and intervened and got the authorities involved. This story ended well for this young lady, but not all have been so fortunate. She is still faced with the emotional and psychological consequences of the situation but she is alive.

This story brought to light just how little many parents know of online dating and their teenager’s internet use. When it comes to the internet, social media, and teenagers a parent can never be too careful. The following are a few online dating apps that all parents should know about:

Kik. An instant messaging app similar to texting that has over 90 million users. Safety tips for parents. The app is free and similar to WhatsApp but has an internal browser meant to encourage users to spend more time in the app.

Flirt. This app promotes online “no-hassle flirting” and definitely one parents should know about. It’s relative ease of use makes it a popular one for teens.

Tinder. Swipe right to “like” or left to “pass”. Tinder is a photo and messaging dating app where the user browse and either like or pass on pictures of individuals that are within a certain mile radius of them. If two people both “like” each other’s photo, the app allows them to message each other.

Skout.  This is another “flirting” app and allows teens to set-up profiles. The teens are placed in a separate group from the adult users and are allowed to post to a feed, comment on other user’s posts, chat and share photos. Users can redeem or cash in points when they want details on who checks them out or want to search outside of their geographic area for new users.

Badoo. This is an adults only dating app that is meant for the 18 and older audience. This app has over 200 million users worldwide and tracks the location of its users and matches their profiles to other users who are nearby.

This is not an exhaustive list but some of the more popular sites that teens are using.

Why We Hate Mama’s Boys, but Love Daddy’s Girls

mother-infant son
A couple of months ago I read a Facebook post that asked, “Is it good for mothers to raise their sons to be a mama’s boy, why or why not?” Then someone chimed in and deepened the conversation by saying that they did not feel that mama’s should baby their sons, but daddy’s babying and nurturing their daughters to be daddy’s girls was okay. After scrolling through all the comments, the consensus was that mothers’ raising their sons to be a mama’s boy was not good; and there was a split between the girls – some thought that it was okay for fathers to baby their daughters to be daddy’s girls and others who thought this as well was a bad idea.

What exactly is a mama’s boy – a daddy’s girl? Simply put, a mama’s boy is a term used to describe a man who is excessively attached to his mother. This is not to be confused with a close mother-son bond, but a man who is overly dependent on his mom. A daddy’s girl on the other hand is basically the same thing, but involves a father and his daughter. There seems to be less of a negative connotation associated with daddy’s girls than mama’s boys – this is not surprising if you consider that there are many women who will proudly refer to themselves as a “daddy’s girl” and wear the title like a badge of honor; but call a man a mama’s boy, he will most likely be highly offended.father_infant daughter

Why the differing attitude towards the two considering the concept is the same? Could it be society’s view towards masculinity and femininity, gender and roles? In American (and all that I know of) society, the male is the provider, the protector, the giver – for some, the idea of a man being anything less is repulsive. On the other hand, the female in society is viewed as someone who needs to be protected, a receiver, and in early society – one who NEEDED a provider; times have changed and so have gender roles in society. Thus, we end up with the blurred line of what is appropriate relationship boundaries between mothers and their adult sons and fathers and their adult daughters rooted in societal beliefs but viewed through modern eyes. I devoted a chapter in my book, No Longer a Bridesmaid! to the “daddy’s little girl” syndrome.

father_teen daughter

What do you think?! Why do we hate mama’s boys, but love daddy’s girls?

Where is the Oogielove?

Since I’ve had kids, I’ve been asking myself, “where has the romance in my marriage gone?” I’m sure parents with small kids can relate to this – prior to having children, there is a level of intimacy between husband and wife – after children, just getting to bed at the same time is a treat. I’ll use this time to reiterate to those of us who have small children, make time for your spouse! Don’t get so wrapped up in the kids that you forget to spend quality time with your spouse. I’m preaching to the choir here. Don’t have your spouse asking, “where is the Oogielove?”

Some of you may be asking, “what exactly is Oogielove?” I’m glad you asked. I wish this was some sort of endearing phrase that I had thought of to call the intimate time between my husband and me when we have gotten the kids off to sleep and have some quality time to ourselves – well it’s not. Last week, I had the awesome privilege of attending a movie premiere, with the kids, to see a new “G” rated movie titled “The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure.”

Prior to the movie showing the kids participated in Camp Oogie where they saw movie clips, learned the Oogie Cheer and dance and decorated their own lunch bag. Us parents, bloggers, and members of the press were escorted to a continental breakfast and had the opportunity to chat with Kenn Viselman, Producer and Visionary for the movie.


The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure is an interactive movie experience for children and their families. The film follows the Oogieloves: Goobie, Zoozie and Toofie as they set out on a special adventure in LovelyLoveville. This movie is unique in that it encourages and allows the children to stand up and dance and sing at various points in the movie. This is quite different from how our children have  been taught to conduct themselves in a movie theater. My observation was that some of the children were a little hesitant initially when encouraged to get out of their seats and do the Oogie Cheer – after a few times, all reservations had disappeared.

During our talk time with producer and visionary, he stated that the basis of the movie and characters is to promote love; to demonstrate conflict without evil and violence. His goal was to bring a more appropriate “G” rated film to the marketplace.  He also shared how the idea of an interactive movie for kids came about as a result of him seeing a Tyler Perry movie where movie goers were talking back at the movie. The audience members talking back to the movie was quite shocking to him, a white male, in attendance at a movie where the movie goers were a predominately black audience.  From that experience, the idea to create an interactive kid’s movie where children can dance, move and be children at the movies; have a show type experience at a movie that is a fraction of the cost came to fruition.


Overall, I thought the movie was a home run. The characters are kid friendly, the setting in the town of LovelyLoveville is quaint , cute and charming. And the cast includes first class entertainers such as: Toni Braxton, Cloris Leachman, Christopher Lloyd, and Jamie Pressly.  Don’t be surprised if at the end of the 88 minute movie run you are chanting the Oogie Cheer.

For additional information, check out the website,

Movie Trailer:

Shot@life National Launch

April 26, 2012

My Personal Story

I recently took my son to the pediatrician for his 4 month check-up. During this particular doctor’s visit he received a round of immunization shots. For me, shot day for my baby can be a little nerve wrecking. Prior to his doctor’s visit, I was wondering, “will he be cranky afterwards? Will the shot cause some sort of adverse reaction? Will his leg be sore as a result of having been stuck with a needle?” Allowing my children to be vaccinated was a no brainer for me. I was vaccinated, my parents were vaccinated and their parents were vaccinated – this is what everyone does, right? Wrong, medical professionals strongly suggest that children get vaccinations, however, the final choice is up to the parents.

The Cause

After being approached about donating my blog to charity, I further researched the nonprofit Shot@life ( I soon learned how fortunate we are in the United States where we are privy to modern medicine and vaccinations for our children. In this country we can actually choose to vaccinate or not vaccinate our babies.

Some interesting facts I learned:

v  That 1 in 5 children around the world does not have access to the vaccines that they need to survive.

v  Around the world, a child dies every 20 seconds from a disease that can be prevented by a vaccine.

v  The number of children dying from preventable diseases in developing countries is nearly equivalent to half the number of children entering kindergarten in the United States.

v  The Measles Initiative has vaccinated one billion children in 60 developing countries since 2001, decreasing world measles deaths by 74 percent.

v  The world is 99 percent polio-free, and polio eradication is within reach.

Join the movement,

Needless to say my little man was just fine after receiving his second round of immunizations. My son’s before and after vaccination pictures:

Shot @ Life

On Thursday, April 26, 2012 I will be donating my blog to the nonprofit, Shot @ Life.

Shot @ Life is a movement to protect children worldwide by providing lifesaving vaccines where they are most needed.

The Shot@Life campaign travels across the country to rally the American public, Members of Congress, and civil society partners around the fact that together we can help save a child’s life every 20 seconds by expanding access to vaccines.


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