Real Talk w/Terry (formerly Relationships-411)

When They See Us

The Netflix series, When They See Us is based on the Exonerated Central Park Five: Raymond Santana Jr., Kevin Richardson, Antron McCray, Korey Wise and Yusef Salaam who were wrongfully convicted of raping a white woman in 1989 has once again rattled the community. A serial rapist later confessed to the crime, but not before the men had spent between six to 13 years in prison.

I personally chose not to watch the series for my own mental health. I have read about the incident and watched various news reports and a documentary about the case. The Netflix series has many of us feeling like enough talking has been done, it’s time for real action – a change for the better in the American justice system.

But where do we start? How do we reform a system that wasn’t designed to protect blacks and other minorities in the first place? How do we deal with corrupt cops, unethical prosecutors and judges?

I don’t have the answers, but agree, a change has to come real soon.

Check out my interview with retired Judge LaDoris Cordell, immediate past Independent Auditor for the San Jose Police Department. Judge Cordell discusses how someone should conduct themselves if and when they are stopped by a cop, The Peace Officers Duty Manual – a document that the general public is allowed to see, the Blue Lives Matter Movement and more!

Teenagers and Online Dating Apps

I recently saw a story about the dangers of anonymous dating apps; and the deadly consequences they’ve had for some young people. This particular story profiled a teenager who met someone online, he gained her trust and she agreed to secretly meet-up with him. Her parents learned of her secret escapades with this man and intervened and got the authorities involved. This story ended well for this young lady, but not all have been so fortunate. She is still faced with the emotional and psychological consequences of the situation but she is alive.

This story brought to light just how little many parents know of online dating and their teenager’s internet use. When it comes to the internet, social media, and teenagers a parent can never be too careful. The following are a few online dating apps that all parents should know about:

Kik. An instant messaging app similar to texting that has over 90 million users. Safety tips for parents. The app is free and similar to WhatsApp but has an internal browser meant to encourage users to spend more time in the app.

Flirt. This app promotes online “no-hassle flirting” and definitely one parents should know about. It’s relative ease of use makes it a popular one for teens.

Tinder. Swipe right to “like” or left to “pass”. Tinder is a photo and messaging dating app where the user browse and either like or pass on pictures of individuals that are within a certain mile radius of them. If two people both “like” each other’s photo, the app allows them to message each other.

Skout.  This is another “flirting” app and allows teens to set-up profiles. The teens are placed in a separate group from the adult users and are allowed to post to a feed, comment on other user’s posts, chat and share photos. Users can redeem or cash in points when they want details on who checks them out or want to search outside of their geographic area for new users.

Badoo. This is an adults only dating app that is meant for the 18 and older audience. This app has over 200 million users worldwide and tracks the location of its users and matches their profiles to other users who are nearby.

This is not an exhaustive list but some of the more popular sites that teens are using.

Leave Abuse And Never Look Back

I recall the time my ex-fiancé told me that I would never find someone who would treat me as good as he did. For a moment I believed him, then I found my strength and left him.

Ladies (and men) never stay in an abusive relationship for fear of being alone or lonely. You can be in a relationship and still be lonely or unfulfilled. Abuse comes in many forms not just physical; but include: emotional, psychological, and financial.redtues_brokenheart

My ex never physically abused me but was very abusive with his words and the way he treated me. I realize, it’s not easy to leave the abuse or abuser, but you must. Your life (literally) depends on it!

When I broke things off, my ex said, “I will always be a part of your life.” I responded, “no you won’t.” After our conversation, I blocked his number and email and have never looked back.

I am now happily married to a wonderful man, someone far better than I had ever imagined or dreamed of.

Congrats Tyrese Gibson!

Congrats are in order for R&B Crooner, Tyrese Gibson who recently tityresegibsoned the knot on Valentines Day. Gibson announced the news to his fans via Instagram.

The couple reportedly met through mutual friends shortly after Gibson shared his open letter to his future wife in 2015. The new bride, Samantha Lee (Schwalenberg ) is a Social Worker and philanthropy professional.

We are here for this …. Congratulations to the happy couple, we wish you well!

Why Do Men Do This?!

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I saw this posted on a Facebook friend’s page and commented, “That’s a great question! Men know the ONE and it does not take 2-3 years to figure it out. Even if they are still trying to figure “life & career” out they know who they want to meet at the altar and who the in the meantime play mates are. I have the privilege to speak about and write about relationships – so I talk to both men and women candidly about relationships all the time. And men have repeatedly told me, they only do what women allow them to get away with … so for the women if you want more – demand more.” This is sad, but in many situations true.

I recall being at a book signing event once, and a man shared with me that he met his now wife in a club. He said that at the time he knew that he was nowhere near ready to be married, but what he did know was that she was “the one”.

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Book Signing Event

What do you think? Why do men do this?!

REAL TALK W/TERRY: GUY PANEL PART 2

I recently had the opportunity to have a conversation with a couple of guys to discuss being single and dating in Silicon Valley. The first part of the show originally aired a few weeks ago, part 2 of the conversation is now available. Some of the questions the guys answered were: what is love, why are men afraid of commitment, is it okay for a woman to approach you and do strong women intimidate men? And more!

Part 2:

 

Part 1:

Couple of the Week Recap

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:7 (ESV)

These are the beautiful couples we profiled this past month. They both offer great advice and demonstrate that love endures all things.

Paul & Linda

Married: July 22, 1978

Divorced: August 22, 1996

Re-married: December 31, 1997

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Their Word of Wisdom to other couples, “Marriage is a commitment between three: God, the husband and the wife. No one person on earth will fulfill all your needs. That is why marriages need a Christ-centered relationship, so Christ can fulfill all your needs that the spouse can’t; there is no room for selfishness in marriage. Treat your spouse as though they are your best friend.”

Izzy & DeBorah

Married June 3rd

IMG_6369Izzy ( nickname ) and DeBorah met while in college, at the time he was going through a divorce. And DeBorah was totally disabled, the result of a car accident. After two homes and raising a blended family of five children the couple has been together for 22 years 17 of them married. DeBorah says, “my husband is a very funny yet intelligent man, family oriented and makes me grateful to be alive.”

Advice the couple offers to other couples is to remember why you fell in love with your spouse and always remember the good that they do on a daily basis … this will help you overlook their ‘supposed’ shortcomings; keep a list of their good qualities and look at it everyday so that every time you look at them or look into their eyes you will always remember the good that you loved about them.

Bridging the Extrovert-Introvert Gap

By: Lisa Betz

My son and his girlfriend have worked through many differences: ethnic, cultural, and geographic, among others. But the one that seems to challenge them the most is their very different temperaments. She is extroverted. He is introverted.

As an introvert myself, I understand my son’s tendencies, but to his extroverted girlfriend, he can seem insensitive and frustrating. What causes such misunderstandings? The fact that introverts and extroverts come into the relationship with different basic needs, leading to different expectations. Expectations their partner may not understand. At all.

Understanding our different energy requirements

I believe grasping the energy issue may be the number-one key to improving introvert-extrovert relationships. An introvert expends energy while relating to people and needs solitude to recharge. Extroverts are the opposite. They need people-time in order to gain energy. Read more…

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