Real Talk w/Terry

Real Talk w/Terry: Relationships 101, Part 2

I’m excited to share part 2 of my panel discussion with co-eds at San Jose State University. I truly enjoyed my time interviewing the students; we talked about everything from the Tinder app and the perceived hook-up culture of  millennial’s to should they date someone with kids.


And FOLLOW the Relationships-411 Real Talk w/Terry YouTube channel.

Is There Such a Thing as Marrying Down?

During a blog talk panel that I recently participated in the question was posed, “is there such a thing as marrying down?” [] My answer was, “it depends on the person and what their definition of marrying down is.” For some people, marrying down might mean that they are in a white collar career and marry someone who is a blue collar worker; or for others this could mean, they attended an Ivy League institution and their partner attended a state university. I shared my own experience of when I was in my twenties, had just received my Bachelor’s degree and was having a difficult time finding someone who I felt was a compatible dating choice. My Pastor at the time, shared with and enlightened me that there was nothing wrong with me dating someone who may be a blue collar worker that did not have a degree if they were a hard working, driven individual that was equally yoked with me in other ways, primarily spiritually. I took his advice to heart and grew by leaps and bounds that day.

Career Woman_4 blue collar worker

Research shows that women are entering and graduating from college at a much faster pace than their male counterparts; especially among Hispanics and Blacks. An analysis of U.S. Census Bureau data by the Pew Research Center shows in 1994, 63% of high school female graduates and 61% of high school male graduates were enrolled in college in the fall following their graduation. In 2012, the percentage of female high school graduates enrolled in college right after high school had increased to 71%, but remained unchanged at 61% for males. The Hispanic community saw a similar pattern; in 1994 of both male and female graduates about half enrolled in college in the fall; and in 2012, enrollment in college increased for both Hispanic men and women, but the female enrollment increased by 13% over males. The percentages for Black high school graduates in 1994 showed that 56% of male graduates and 48% of black female graduates enrolled in college right after high school graduation; however in 2012, enrollment for black males in college right after graduation was 57% and 69% for black females; black females saw a 12% increase over black males. There is a concrete trend of more females entering college right after high school graduation than males. For full analysis click: Has this pattern caused women to consider marrying down?

As we age and marriage is being considered, the whole marrying down phenomenon is a bit more complicated. Whether or not the other person has the same level of education may not be as important as if we have commonalities and are compatible. More than anything, I believe not just women, but men desire to marry someone they enjoy being around and enjoy doing things with; and I doubt if level of education or lack of will preempt this.

What are your thoughts is there such a thing as marrying down?


To Hook-up or Not to Hook-up…

Just wondering what other Christian women think about the latest media trend about young people hooking-up, or having casual sex? I realize that hooking-up among young people is nothing new, however, I recently learned that hooking-up has slighted changed among this generation of young people. As a relationship writer and advocate for marriage, I was appalled at how mainstream hooking-up has become. Questions that flood my mind include: 1) what happened to wholesome values and young ladies not wanting to be viewed as a loosey goosey, or a whore; 2) is anybody out there concerned with the spread of social diseases and HIV; and 3) has anybody considered the emotional repercussions of “hooking-up”?

college students_2

I have read varying opinions on the hook-up culture and there are some who think the hook-up phenomenon is really an exaggeration – that young people are not hooking up as much as some people think and certainly no more than their predecessors in the 1960’s, 1970’s, 1990’s or 2000’s; and then there are those like me who absolutely believe that young college aged adults and teens are indeed casually hooking up more now-a-days. I recall during my college years in the 1990’s that there were some who “hooked-up” every now and then or went out for what we called “a booty call” but for the most part the desire was to be in a committed relationship. My understanding of relationships now among college students is that hooking up with friends, acquaintances, or even strangers appears to be more socially acceptable than when I was in college.

The attitude towards a committed relationship during my college years was perhaps fueled by the rapid spread of HIV/AIDS and our limited knowledge of the disease and how it was contracted during that time. This was during the time that Magic Johnson revealed that he in fact was HIV positive. While in college, I recall us students actively discussing safe sex practices and monogamous relationships.

Now, some twenty years later – guess I’m dating myself here – I’m quite taken back at young people’s attitude towards hooking-up and casual sex. Is this lackadaisical attitude the result of the fact that most STD’s are treatable and that people are now living longer and stronger with an HIV and AIDS diagnosis? Has pop culture made being loose or as we called it being a whore, something to be proud of? Maybe so, when you think of the number of female celebrities who proudly broadcast the fact that they have made a sex tape or began their career as a stripper and/or exotic dancer and these sorts of revelations have helped propel them into super stardom. And finally, the emotional repercussions of hooking up: is the walk of shame no longer there? Maybe it isn’t, but a recent study has shown the correlation between hooking-up and signs of low self-esteem and depression; with women being negatively affected more often than men.

I’m curious, what do other women in ministry think about this? I’d love to hear.

college students

A hookup culture is one that accepts and encourages casual sexual encounters focused on physical pleasure without necessarily  including emotional bonding.It is generally associated with Western late adolescent behavior and, in particular, American college culture.The term hookup has an ambiguous definition because it can indicate kissing or any form of physical sexual activity between sexual partners.  Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

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