Real Talk w/Terry

I Let Mr. Right Get Away

A few weeks ago a guest on the Steve Harvey talk show stated that she had Mr. Right and let him get away.  She stated that she did not appreciate him, she did not let him be a man, and she allowed other men to influence her decision regarding the relationship. As I listened to her segment, I was thinking, “first of all, how do you let a good man get away? And second, why would you consult another man, who is your friend, about your current relationship? Those are the things that made me go hmm.

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This woman’s situation may sound unique, but it happens more often than a lot of us can believe. Think about it, how many times we have all heard of a woman breaking off a relationship or divorcing a seemingly good man for a reason such as: he’s boring, I fell out of love with him, or I don’t know – something just wasn’t right. These all sound like lame excuses to end a relationship with a good man, but I have heard them all. I once heard the saying, “a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush” – in this situation having a good man who may be boring is better than being single and hoping to find something better; do women who are bored in their relationship end it with a glimmer of hope that they will find someone better, someone more exciting? Are we as women that shallow?

As the segment continued, this lady sought out Steve Harvey to bring her face to face with her former boyfriend to see if the boyfriend would have her back. She realized her mistake – she realized that she left her “Mr. Right” looking for her something better and it wasn’t out there. The truth of the matter is that the grass always looks greener on the other side, but when you get to the other side you realize that all grass needs water and nurturing to grow – and in some situations what may look like real grass is really artificial turf. What a disappointment!

As I addressed in a previous blog post, “The 80/20 Rule”, http://terry411cato.com/2011/08/, my advice is to never leave your 80% looking for 20% because you will soon realize that all relationships need nurturing and every person has faults – you may get the 20% that you are looking for but lose much more.

Three Lies Women Have Been Told About Men

Steve Harvey recently appeared on the Dr. Oz show. One of his segments was on 3 Lies Women Have Been Told About Men. I admit, I have heard these “lies” and a couple of them I actually believe, however, Mr. Harvey shared a male perspective on the following 3 lies women spread about men:
1. Once a cheater, always a cheater – according to Mr. Harvey, if a man cheats on his wife or mate this does not necessarily mean that he will always cheat and that a man will cheat if he is unhappy in a relationship. Mr. Harvey posed the question that if a man is happy in his relationship, why would he cheat. He went on to say that men can be reformed over time – a man could have been a cheater when he was younger, but this does not necessarily mean that he will continue being a cheater.
2. The way to a man’s heart, is through his stomach – this is one that many women grew up hearing, me included. I was actually motivated to learn how to cook and made strides to become a “very good” cook with the goal of pleasing my future husband. According to Mr. Harvey there is a way to a man’s heart, but it’s not his stomach. The way to a man’s heart is through loyalty, support, and “the cookie.”
3. Men are intimidated by strong women – according to Mr. Harvey, men are not afraid of [strong] women and that the woman needs to realize that she does need a man for something. I once heard the statement that weak men are intimidated by strong women and that a strong man in fact desires a strong woman.
What are your thoughts? Do you believe that a cheating man can be reformed? Is it really true that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach? Are men really intimidated by a strong woman?


I want to hear from you.

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