Real Talk w/Terry (formerly Relationships-411)

Where is the TRUST in this relationship?

Seems like forever since I’ve posted on this blog, but it’s only been about a month, the optimist in me keeps saying just a few weeks – I do however appreciate all of my followers and TRUST that you will continue to follow my relationship blog despite the fact that I have not posted as regularly as I have in the past. I am just now realizing how hard it is to consistently write when there is a small infant in your constant care and a pre-schooler who still needs mommy for a lot of things. 🙂

I did however, get a sudden inspiration to post after watching one of my new favorite reality shows, VH1’s “Couples Therapy”; not sure why I’m mesmerized by and must watch this newest reality debacle, but I confess, I’m hooked!

In this particular episode one of the couples, Kasey Kahl (“Bachelorette”) and Vienna Girardi (“The Bachelor”) got into a heated arguement because Kasey had read Vienna’s text messages while she was in the shower and he discovered that she was communicating with another male while they were attending couple’s therapy.

Kasey felt as if their attending the therapy and trying to make amends was a big lie since she was anxiously awaiting meeting up with another man.

Kasey reading Vienna’s text messages brought up a hot issue in the couple’s therapy, is it okay for your partner to go through your cell phone? Dr. Jenn stated that if there is trust in the relationship a partner going through the other’s phone usually is not a problem, but for a couple that already has trust issues – a partner going through the other’s cell phone is a major issue.

Personally, I never think about going through my husband’s cell phone; perhaps, that is because I trust him. Fortunately, he has never given me a reason not to trust him. Besides, snooping on the other partner never solves the underlying problem of trust anyway. When there is an issue with trust, the couple must deal with this head on and begin to build the foundation in their relationship where trust is reestablished.

Rebuilding trust is especially hard for those who have been cheated on – this was discussed by Hulk Hogan’s ex-wife Linda and DMX’s estranged wife Tashera; both women discussed how they felt when they learned that they had been cheated on by their husbands. The episode ended with the couples listening to and trying to help other couples work through their trust issues.

In closing, I once heard the statement, “if you go looking for wrong, you will not find right.” Do you think it is okay for couples to look through their partner’s cell phone?

Three Lies Women Have Been Told About Men

Steve Harvey recently appeared on the Dr. Oz show. One of his segments was on 3 Lies Women Have Been Told About Men. I admit, I have heard these “lies” and a couple of them I actually believe, however, Mr. Harvey shared a male perspective on the following 3 lies women spread about men:
1. Once a cheater, always a cheater – according to Mr. Harvey, if a man cheats on his wife or mate this does not necessarily mean that he will always cheat and that a man will cheat if he is unhappy in a relationship. Mr. Harvey posed the question that if a man is happy in his relationship, why would he cheat. He went on to say that men can be reformed over time – a man could have been a cheater when he was younger, but this does not necessarily mean that he will continue being a cheater.
2. The way to a man’s heart, is through his stomach – this is one that many women grew up hearing, me included. I was actually motivated to learn how to cook and made strides to become a “very good” cook with the goal of pleasing my future husband. According to Mr. Harvey there is a way to a man’s heart, but it’s not his stomach. The way to a man’s heart is through loyalty, support, and “the cookie.”
3. Men are intimidated by strong women – according to Mr. Harvey, men are not afraid of [strong] women and that the woman needs to realize that she does need a man for something. I once heard the statement that weak men are intimidated by strong women and that a strong man in fact desires a strong woman.
What are your thoughts? Do you believe that a cheating man can be reformed? Is it really true that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach? Are men really intimidated by a strong woman?


I want to hear from you.

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