Why is Love so Complicated?!

Couples Therapy just got real. During the latest installment of VH1’s Couple Therapy, Dr. Jenn posed the question, what makes love complicated? If you really love someone, just do it! The couples revisited childhood trauma to examine if things that happened to them in their childhood is complicating their current relationships.

Multi-platinum Rapper, DMX shared the physical and verbal abuse he endured at the hands of his mother – physical abuse so severe that he is still haunted to the point where he has trouble sleeping at night. He also shared that he felt as if his mom abandoned him and that this is where his issues began – he felt like if his own mother did not want him then why should he give a xoxo!

Reality Star, Angelina Pivarnick shared that she witnessed chronic infidelity at a young age which is the root cause of her not being able to trust people, mainly men.

Dr. Jenn stated how the couples must work through their childhood issues if they want to move forward in their current relationships. The couples must face those issues that are hindering their adult relationships.  She further shared with DMX that sometimes having a discussion with the person who hurt you as a child and by making amends, has a way of freeing you.

A further look into childhood trauma and the effect it has on the victim as an adult revealed there is no normal way for each individual to respond to trauma they endured as a child. Everyone will react in a different way; for some they turn to drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism, for others they mentally block out the abuse, and then there are those abuse victims who become violent.

The best advice to deal with childhood trauma is to seek help.  This can be in the form of counseling and/or support groups. As with DMX, Dr. Jenn recommended sitting down and talking to the perpetrator, his mom; if this is not possible, other Therapists recommend writing a letter to the person.

In closing, the adult should know that the trauma they experienced as a child is not their fault.  The path to forgiveness can be a long tough road, however, forgiving is all about you and not the other person.  A wise person once said, “unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die”.

Additional Resources:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/emotional_psychological_trauma.htm

http://www.uknow.gse.harvard.edu/community/CF6-1.html

http://www.elementsbehavioralhealth.com/trauma-ptsd/trauma-and-the-12-steps-impact-of-traumatic-relationships-on-12-step-group-participation/