Real Talk w/Terry

Married Ladies, “Are you a Help Meet?”

I’ve had the privilege of being a part of a wives’ bible study for the past several weeks. As preparation for our weekly bible study, we were required to read chapters in Debi Pearl’s “Created to Be His Help Meet.”

Mrs. Pearl is not without controversy. Her books and her and her husband’s teachings are highly controversial. Her book reviews reveal that most women do not agree with everything Mrs. Pearl says or advises regarding a woman’s place in the marriage, but do feel that her theology is sound.

During my reading a few of weeks ago, I was intrigued by a position Mrs. Pearl stands firmly behind – the assertion that You [the wife] serve Christ by serving your husband, whether your husband deserves it or not. She further states that wives need to take God at his word and become a help meet for his sake, knowing that they are fulfilling their mission on earth.

The assertion that a woman is fulfilling her mission on earth by serving her husband was the line that I had to reread a couple of times. I actually had to pause and stop reading for a minute thinking that by me being a help meet to my husband, I am actually fulfilling my MISSION on earth. At this point, all sorts of thoughts are running through my mind, I’m thinking, “Lord I respect my position as a wife and want to fully understand what it means to be a help meet, but is that ALL you placed me here on earth to do; to simply be a help meet to my husband? And, if I’m not doing a good job being a help meet, am I somehow disappointing you? Am I not, living out my God given purpose if I’m not serving my husband?” I was quite perplexed at Mrs. Pearl’s assertion.

The many questions I had prompted me to further study what the scripture says about woman and her purpose from the very beginning. In Genesis 2:18, the bible says, “and the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” In the scriptures that follow in verse 19, God creates every beast of the field and every fowl of the air and Adam names them; then in verse 20, Adam continues to name the living creatures, but there was no help meet for him. In verse 21, God causes a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and as he slept, God took one of Adam’s ribs and in verse 22 made woman from the rib he had taken from Adam. God brings the woman to Adam and in verse 23 Adam recognizes the woman as bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh. Not only was the woman a suitable help meet for Adam – she was of the same species as Adam. Prior to the creation of woman, Adam had shared the garden with animals.

Based on the previously cited scripture, the Word clearly says that the Lord God realized it was not good for man to be alone, so he created a help meet for him – God created a woman for the man.

After further study of the creation of woman and God’s original intent for woman, not only did my original questions remain, I had additional questions like what about single ladies? Being that they are not married, what is their purpose? After praying for revelation and a clearer understanding of God’s word so that I may apply and live the Word, my conclusion is this, we live in a fallen imperfect world. Our priorities and motives are not always aligned with God’s perfect will for our lives. If we lived in a perfect world the order of God is this, a man who is submitted to God marries a woman where her priority and total submission is to her husband, the husband separates himself from his family and becomes one person in Christ with his wife.

What are your thoughts?

2 thoughts on “Married Ladies, “Are you a Help Meet?””

  1. Excellent blog, Terry, and very real and thought provoking!

    I’m down with a heavy cold tonight and have a lot of time on my hands, so here are my general (and very random) observations on the subject you are pondering:

    1. All Christians, married or single, are to serve the Lord. This means we must crucify ourselves by making our needs and wants as unimportant as if we were actually dead. (Ouch-ies for the old ego! 🙂 After accomplishing this little task, comes the easy part – – we are to submit and serve others in His name (Eph. 5:21). In short, single or married, nobody’s pride-of-life gets a free ride.

    2. I don’t know if this call to service and submission is easier for the unmarried, but Paul notes that they have greater freedom from concern because they do not have a mate to consider. I find it interesting that those eager to marry have a tendency to overlook his point. At least the married ones get to chose the person with priority on their submission; though from observation, this is usually a very cold comfort.

    3. God has given husbands a much more intense command than to just be a suitable helper to their mate. They are to love their wives like Christ loved the church – a love that is so sacrificial that it requires them to give up their lives, if necessary. Eph. 5:25-30 indicates that this love be equivalent to the love the husband has for his own body. Satan revealed that he understands exactly how deep a love this is when he asked permission to touch Job’s body (Job 2:5). A husband is to actually put his wife above his own needs and wishes, though not like the crack addict who destroys his own body by giving into its every craving, but with the wisdom of a good steward.
    Frankly, my flesh is relieved that this is not my “mission”

    3. To be “meet” according to the old English use of word is to be suitable, so a help meet is a merely a suitable helper, one who fits with her mate in a manner as well-matched as two puzzle pieces. This requires extraordinary sensitivity, intuition, and wisdom. Doesn’t that just define the essence of womanhood?! And is it an inferior mission to be asked to help your mate? I don’t thinks so; nor do I think it is a trivial contribution. Well-suited, like-minded couples are the bedrock upon which a healthy society thrives.

    4. I have noticed a pattern in the Bible wherein all women, including single women, are to be protected and overseen by a father, husband, kinsman-redeemer, or the elders (if there is no male family member to do so). I believe the principle was known as “tenting” in older times. There are many verses that speak a volume (albeit one rarely read) about the extent of masculine responsibility toward women in their families. Here’s a few: Numbers 30:3-14; I Tim. 5:8; I Tim. 3:4 and 12;

    Well so much for my scatter-shot response. Thanks so much for writing your wonderful blog, I truly hope to be reading your reflections and words of wisdom for a long time!


    1. Thanks Carolyn!
      I truly appreciate your wisdom. I always look forward to your comments. Society would have us wives believe that to be submissive and to be a help meet to our husbands is a sign of weakness. However, I feel that by me being in my proper place as a wife standing by my husband and assisting him is actually a sign of strenth and total submission to God the father.

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