Real Talk w/Terry

Why Buy the Cow When You Get the Milk Free?!

A couple of months ago I was watching a reality show where one of the cast mates revealed that after being in a long term relationship for over 10 years that she and her companion finally married only to get a divorce and go their separate ways after 2 years of marriage. One of the friends asked, “why did they wait so long to get married.” I don’t remember how she responded, because at that point the thought that flooded my mind was something my grandmother told me years ago about men, “why buy the cow, when you get the milk FREE?” Meaning, why would a man marry you if he is getting what he wants from you without any type of marriage commitment. Wow! I didn’t fully understand what she was saying until I was much older and found myself in one of those on again, then off again type of relationships with a man who had major problems committing.

Unhappy couple-2

I would often hear statements like, “I know I want to be with you, I’m just not ready for marriage” or “what’s wrong with what we have, why rush into marriage?” Sounds familiar? I’m sure I wasn’t the only single female who heard lines like this from a commitment phobic man. At some point like me, you get fed up with all the empty lines and are faced with a major decision, 1) do I stay the course and see if this man will marry me? Or 2) do I cut my losses now and move on with my life? For me, I chose the latter.

Time is precious and we can never regain wasted years where we stayed in a relationship far longer than we should have. A man knows early on if he has long or short term plans for you – he just may not communicate his intentions to you. Don’t be somebody’s in-between time and in the mean-time girlfriend that they are simply passing time with. You may just find that you wasted precious years giving away your goods to a man who is all of a sudden READY to marry, just not to you.

Happy Couple-3

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